Tantrum

Crap. Totally lost it. Is the vampire close? I should still have 2 weeks! Don't tell me it's showing up this early!

I guess it started with dad's non-stop snacking throughout the afternoon. Mom shared an apple with dad but he wanted more, and ended up eating another whole himself. Then a banana. Later, mom was cutting up those baguette-looking loafs from cousin D, so dad can eat them as crackers after they're toasted. I, brought out some Costco chips from A. Dad just kept munching on all. Even as mom was cutting the loaf up (as to waiting until they're toasted).

Then after dinner with brother's gang and aunt C, dad refused to enter the car from the left rear door. The curb on the right gave him lots of trouble but he still insisted to board from the right. I really, really hate it when he doesn't listen and fixated on what he's doing is better. So? It took him a long time to board. Mom was helping him. A late-teen-looking passer-by even offered to help (but mom said no thanks).

Then I remembered I need to fill up. The PC station at V and 49th was full, so I figured the price must be good. And at 112.9, sure better than yesterday (113.5). I went as far as swiping my point card. Then some guy stopped me wanting to use my pump because the clerk screwed up and put his $20 into my pump. What else can I do but to let him? Tried 2 other pumps, but those were diesel.

I lost it. Swearing and cursing the world. Mom said nothing. Neither did dad. I guess I must be pretty scary. Loosing control like that, I don't like it a bit.

At such times, I have no doubt that God must want me dead. He makes me frustrated enough to suicide so his hands can stay clean. (Of course when the attack is over, I don't feel as bad.) I'm very scared of what I could end up doing during such fits.

Finally found the pompoms. It was out on my desk alright, but sandwiched between 2 Ferraro lids with some fabric. Sigh... I'm happy to find them, but sad that why I didn't find them sooner.