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Thanks A for pushing me ahead, but... now I realize there's a reason why I subconsciously procrastinated.

It's 3 in the morning. My back and neck are all wrong. I think I'm sick yet I don't feel it as pain. My eyes are watering. Tears won't stop. It's just like that time when my dad fell, couldn't get up, and I had to lift him up with mom. Took us 45 minutes. Afterward, I was lying in bed in tears feeling so unwell and unable to sleep.

This sucks. I've fallen into complete negative mode. I know I should thank A, but now I just feel like he's the one who made me sick. And I hate myself for thinking like that. There's just no hope, is there? Why am I still alive?