Freezing

Y&T's trip finished today. My job is done.

Finally activated my new credit card which expires next month. The online bank has been sending me a few reminders. It took 15 to 20 minutes to complete the activation. Lots of keys to punch. And then, what bugs me most was the operator kept soliciting me to join some kind of insurance program. I had already said no. She still wouldn't give up. When I told her straight that I'm already unemployed, she finally let me go, but her voice became grumpy. I wonder if she receives any commission from signing on each new customer.

Thanks to that, A ate lunch at home. Sigh... He complains that I seldom get up early enough to lunch with him. Sigh... When I finally had a chance, I blew it myself. Why can't I do anything right? I could have called him before calling the bank...

To save time, I gave up cooking lunch at home, and ended up eating junk food at his place instead. Then we went to get his coffee. Then Price Smart for mom's grocery. That branch had a reopening from renovation and was pretty crowded. Parking was hell! There were lots of stuff on sale too, but I couldn't take a look because (1) A hates crowds, and (2) he needed washroom badly. I knew there was a washroom, but couldn't find it because the walls are now covered with new counters. A wanted to go to Landsdowne mall's washroom instead. Was he crazy? We were so lucky to find a parking spot! If we give it up, we'd never come back! He'd rather give up logic to avoid asking for directions. Sigh... So I asked. I don't mind asking on his behalf at all, but don't like it because it shows me how he lacks backbone. Sigh... it was very simple too. The washrooms are now outside the checkouts. So! I went to line up at the cashiers while he went to washroom. If my cell phone had not run out of battery, I would have looked around a bit more. Who knows? I ended up waiting for him in front of the washroom for a while, just standing there, doing nothing, wasting time.

So, it was OK to wasted my time, right? Not his, right? I had to give up my chance to save money because I'm not allowed to look around, right? What bugs me was that, he also bought some stuff too. It's not a purposeless place for him, yet he treats it like it is.

Next, liquor store for A, also Best Buy, Future Shop, and Netlink. All these, I had no business in. But I tagged along. Last was Mobilicity to check out their half price deal. Mom still refuses a cell phone. A's iphone plan is also such a rip off, I'm sure he'd like to look around too.

When I tried to go to Daiso, A complained like it was a huge deal! I couldn't believe it!!!!!! I drove him to 4 places that I had absolutely no interest in but didn't say a thing, and now he complained!!!! And he said it's the way he is!!!!!! No apology!!!! It's times like this that I seriously think maybe we can't get along. Nevertheless, he went with me after I reasoned with him. He even bought a cushion and some batteries! Why did he have to complain, then? Again, it wasn't a purposeless place!

Then we went to Pisces for fish and chips. It was freezing. 3 degrees? Their TV was on the weather channel and A had his eyes nailed onto it. Otherwise he was doing something on his iphone. He even asked me if I want to play with his ipad! Jesus!!!! I haven't seen him for a week, and this is what he wants? Both of us playing with electronic devises rather than talking to each other?!?!?! Sigh... what is this?!?!?!

Did that make me feel good? No.

But the worst always comes when I take him home and hang out at this place. What am I? What am I to him? Am I only good for one thing? What does he think I am? Yes I flipped. In the back of my head, I understand that he doesn't want to be with me long term. But I still like him because he's honest. But is honesty alone enough? Well, I AM thankful for the stuff he buys me. But that's different. He had improved a lot since we fist met, but I'm still fighting a loosing battle, am I not? We no longer watch anything in front of the TV anymore. We don't even sit on the couch together anymore! He absolutely hates the documentaries I choose to watch. And I don't like dramas. What usually happens is, he'd play games in his computer room or in the living room, and I'd read flyers in the kitchen. When he approaches me, it's always sexually motivated. He stopped giving me back rubs because "it turns him on too much and not fair to him". Fine. At this point, that's the only time I'm comfortable with his touch. I don't seem to feel complete trust. I bet he doesn't understand that he's giving up the chance to get closer.

Got home past midnight. Got M's mail when I was eating congee. Tried to use up mom's expiring phone card. Her record said $1.95 left, but the system said $0.15! What?!?!?! Fine. That seemed to translate into 7 minutes, but it actually lasted less than 4!!!! Was that a rip off??? M called me back to talked about the sight-seeing. She's done so much! Yikes!!!! I owe her one. Lets hope her trip next year would go smooth, and I'd be waiting for her.