Worst so far

(Photo taken June 2009 and unrelated to subject.)
Around 12:30, heard dad yelling "it hurt!" Turn out he was tearing up his diaper again even though mom told him multiple times to stop. He wouldn't stop. Mom got so mad, she hit his hand with his cane. There was a huge bruise and swelling and blood! OMG mom has only hit him with her hand up to this point and never used any weapon. She's lost it!

But I can understand. Dad has turn into a monster, a devil, a demon.

I tried to talk some sense into him. Of course I was stupid. Why do I think he still has any brain? "Why did you tear it up?" "It needs to be discarded!" "Why does it need to be discarded? It's not wet!" "It needs to be torn up!" " What for?" "It need to be thrown away!"

It went around in circles. He even told me to go away, it's none of my business and I must leave him alone. (Yeah, I wish I could just do that!) He even called me crazy! Now who's the crazy one? Oh yeah maybe I am crazy. He's driven me crazy. I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed. I lost control. I really really really want to beat him up. But I can't, right? So the aggression went towards myself. I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to slam my hands onto the table until I break some bones. I wanted to slam the door on my fingers until they fall off. I wanted to bang my head onto the wall until my brain spill out. I wanted to jump off a high-rise and end everything. Luckily this time I didn't actually do anything except for eating a big bag of chips. My stomach felt sick. I was completely unable to sleep so I washed my hair.

Last time I looked at the clock, it was almost 7. Great... (T_T)

I feel like a walking time-bomb. It's gonna be the end for me if I ever explode.

Yes, my heart is completely black now, I can feel it. No one enjoys this. I would love to be nice to dad, but things just turn out this way. God hates us. I'm 120% sure about this. God, why do you hate us so much?