Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Windshield wipers

Finally installed the windshield wipers I bought last November. Not without my brother's help, of course. Couldn't figure it out myself. Yes, pretty stupid. I know. (T_T)

My dad was really eager to help, holding the flash light although there's overhead florescent lights. He was so eager, he didn't even put on his jacket. He was wearing a shirt with sleeves rolled up and a fleece vest. It was very cold outside! I'd say probably 5 degrees? What the heck was he thinking? Maybe he wasn't thinking at all. It's been increasingly like that, and his senselessness drives me crazy. (Because even though he's acting without common sense, he still insists he's right.) Grrr...

Then the reason for his eagerness was revealed. When we were all done, he would not let go of the old wipers. I asked for them to be placed in the trash, he refused! He wanted to keep them! For what? For the rubber part! No, I mean, for what? He said it's "gonna be" useful. This ping-pong ball questioning went back and forth many times. He couldn't give me any answer. Oh come on!!! That's it. I can't handle it anymore. At the end, I managed to begged him not to keep the old wipers (by saying I'll buy proper materials when he needs any), but... I know for a fact that he's been collecting garbage from our neighbours' trash since... pretty much since we moved into this house 18 years ago!!! (T_T) And, he's just keeping them without doing anything with them! That, I can no longer stand. I'm going crazy. I'm seriously going crazy. I need help. But I don't think anyone can help.

Is it true that getting old erases common sense? He wouldn't listen and always have to have his way. He's "always right" and no negotiation. He's been the biggest source of my stress ever since I was a kid. (And yes, he's done things to me that by todays standard, is child abuse. And it left deep emotional scars which effect still lasts today by preventing me from doing certain things.) Is it because of this bias, that I'm only seeing the ugly side? Little things build up and there's been a lot of those accumulated though the years. I think I've gone over my limit. Waaaay over. Fine, he values junk over his family, so it leaves me no choice but to value him accordingly. Everyday every minute, I can't stop thinking, if getting old is this ugly, I would rather kill myself.

1 comment:

marmite_toast said...

take a deep breath...
i just happened on your blog and read a few comments, so don't know who you are or your situation, but believe me when i say i know how you feel... anyone who's been a teenager and has parents knows how you feel. I understand you have a little bit more of a unique situation as your dad is definately out there... but he loves you. I took me a long time to realise that with my own dad (i'm 27). He just doesn't realised or know how he has affected you. again take a deep breath. I bet he is still dealing with the fact that all of a sudden this little girl that used to pull at his hand asking about everything is all of a sudden a grown up person with her own ideas and thoughts. They forget you grow up!
if you need to talk or tell me to butt out please email me marmite_toast@hotmail.com =]