Thursday, June 30, 2011


From April 2010. Thought I've written something about this but I haven't. For the longest time, I've been curious about this Maltesers look-alike. Finally couldn't resist and bought one.

The result? Very disappointed. This is not even half as good as Maltesers . The core is not that crunchy. It gums up on the first contact of saliva and becomes gooey. The feeling of this glue sticking to your teeth is super unpleasant. Not to mention its too sweet without any fragrance. No second chance. Nope.


Finally finally finally! My chiropractor had been on vacation so this appointment was a few days late. With my condition, these few days made a huge difference. Our next door neighbour Mrs. S has a chiropractor who makes house calls. I've been trying to catch him without luck. Last time we were at dad's nursing home. Today he came early in the morning and I wasn't up. Oh well... (T_T)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011


(Photo was taken last February and unrelated to subject... just thought it was a funny name.)
Yesterday was completely out. Couldn't even think. Now that I look back, the vampire must have compounded my recent black hole.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


(Photo was taken on the 22nd and unrelated to subject.)
Opened my eyes before the alarm rang... and immediately knew it was here. (T_T) Which also meant, I couldn't take pain killer in time. (T_T) At least my body seemed to know that it must get up, or it would be reeeeally bad. I was completely caught off guard because it's almost a week early.

Felt really sick. I screwed up this time and didn't watch when not to eat ice-cream or drink cold drinks. I was so sick, I couldn't even eat lunch. If I stay upright, I'd throw up. So I stayed in bed until 4. (T_T) Might have dosed off a few times. By then the pain killer had taken effect and I was finally able to get up and eat a few bites.

Dad said we don't have to visit today, so mom stayed home. I was in no condition to drive her anyway. I guess it was a lost day.

The only thing I was able to do, was to process some photos to put online. A no-brainer and didn't need any fine motor control. (Working on Pinkys is one level up...)

Monday, June 27, 2011

Late afternoon

(Photo was taken on the 18th and unrelated to subject.)
Feeling really really bad today. Aching all over. Brain's not working. (T_T) Of course it's a rainy day.

Brother came for a haircut after lunch. Then went to pick up niece N, and drop niece G off to the orthodontist. Busy day for him. As to me, lots of phone calls to make. Gotta cancel dad's daycare and handydart trip. Updating his info alone took half an hour. I was thrown around 3 times and had to speak to 4 different people, all over the phone. (T_T) The social worker who deals with dad's nursing home fees is on holiday until the 4th.

Finally set up the credit card e-bill. Missed the lucky draw, and one day before the postal workers strike ends. Kind of meaningless, but still beats missing the payment deadline.

Took mom to see dad late afternoon. First, I forgot my purse. My back's been so numb, I didn't even ntoice. Then in the car I realized I forgot my phone. But it was too late to turn back. Sigh... (T_T) My "self" is gone. I'm just a blob...

Technically speaking, parking is free after 6. I got there after 4, and found a pretty good spot. Mom didn't want to stay too long, so we quickly finished setting up the medications account and left around 5. Went to fill up on the way. It's been a while since I last exceeded $40. But I've been filling up when it's still half full. Today was like 3/4 empty.

Got home and kept dosing off at the desk. It was just a 2-hour outing and I was exhausted. Couldn't even keep myself awake after dinner either. No energy... (T_T) I need chiropractor bad! He's on vacation until the 30th... (T_T)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Kuohua Japanese Style Mochi

From July to August 2010. On sale at a Taiwanese supermarket in Richmond, works out to $1 a box! Great price! Each box has 6 pieces. There are 6 flavours. Not all are good, though.

First of all, the common denominators are, the mochi skin is not too sweet (which is good), and doesn't really stick to your teeth (which is good too). Fillings varies, while topping is mainly that powdery stuff (starch?) to prevent sticking (with the exception of sesame, which is real grains of sesame). The ingredients look very healthy too.

My personal best. They're topped with real sesames and tastes very healthy. The filling feels real too (as to artificial). Most of all, delicious. Nothing bad I can think of.

Red Bean
Second place. Very good, very real, also delicious, except for just slightly too sweet.

Third place. The filling is like peanut butter. Perfectly balanced. It would have been first place but lost to sesame and red bean's fragrant.

Green Tea
Forth place. It would have been second place if it could be a bit stronger. The tea flavour is too weak. Otherwise, my cup of tea. (No pun intended.)

Black Sugar
Fifty place. Smells roasted. Kind of reminds me of coffee. Isn't this "black sugar" "caramel"? The fragrance is intense. Tastes is just slightly on the strong side. It's sweet, but not just "sugar". It's "black sugar" alright.

Last, and least. Yup, unfortunately, this isn't working. Perhaps taro fans would rate it higher? I don't like the taste. It's very bland and the flavour doesn't match with the mochi skin.

As of June 2011, there's been a Taiwanese scandal of clouding agent containing toxic plasticizer... I've eaten many, many, boxes of these mochi for a year... (T_T)

Time gap

As expected, aching all over. (T_T) Screw up at every step. Can't even think... (T_T)

Mom went to see dad early in the morning. A bunch of church friends were supposed to go visit him too. There was an impossible traffic detour thanks to constructions near 28th. Only one lane was opened for all directions. I was held there for a good 10 minutes. Grrrr... By the time I arrived at the nursing home, mom had left and no one else ever came. I intended to drive her home. Oh well! I stayed for the full 2-hour street parking and played big 2 (with simplified rules) with dad and Mr. H. It wasn't really "playing cards" as they didn't quite know how. It was mostly me telling them what cards to play. However, Mr. H seemed to have good luck and won most of the time. Brother's gang showed up just before 5. Just made it before my parking ran out. (Technically speaking, it ran out already...)

Went home and started processing photos to send to relatives. Then brother's gang came. We ended up eating out. I was shocked to find out that I've forgotten the memory card in the card reader, and thus could not take any Pinky photos at dinner! Aaaaaarrrggghhh!!!!!!! My brain's not working!!!!!

It was very late, but I finally sent out the news and photos. Was hoping to take a picture of the nursing home's exterior but kept forgetting. Oh well.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Third day

Mom went to see dad early in the morning... like 9? Of course I wasn't up until 11. Aunt Y came and took the bus with her, then meeting aunt L at the nursing home.

I got there at 12:45 and dad just finished lunch. Mom said dad took his roommate's bed. Yikes... what a bully... (I bet he wet his own bed.) Mr. H is easy-going, so he didn't seem to mind. He even gave dad his soup during lunch. (T_T) Mom brought dad cut-up apple in a tupperware, and small jars of nuts and raisins.

It was also lunch time for us, so I took the ladies to a congee and noodle house. Super good deal. $6.75 for a lunch set which contains a dish and a drink. We ordered 2 sets for the four of us, and the portion was so big, we barely finished it. Being the youngest at the table, I wanted to take this one but aunt Y insisted of treating us. Oh well...

After dropping the ladies off, it was before 4 when we got home. Lots of time. So I continued with yesterday's car cleaning. Vacuumed the interior, and washed the vinyl foot mats. Half way through scrubbing the mats, it started raining. It was just a few drops so I continued. However, the mats wouldn't be able to dry. Leaving them outside overnight is slightly risky...

Mom of course was constantly on the phone again. I could hear that she was getting tired from talking. Repeating the same things is also draining. I worked some more on the Pinkys... and forgot again to process dad's photo and news to send to a bunch of relatives... Yes, my body is so wrong, I can no longer thing.


(photo was taken yesterday and is unrelated to subject.)
Confirmed: last orange.

Confirmed: there's no love in this world.

Confirmed: God hates me.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Second day

Couldn't get up early enough. Mom was rushing me and I was grumpy... (probably thanks to the weather. Aching like hell.) Yes, I was slow in preparing the documents. I wanted to scan them after they were filled too. Didn't notice the double-sided printing and grossly underestimated the scanning time. Oh well...

Managed to get there at 2. As expected, no parking space on site. The hunt was bad too. I was lucky to find a spot 2.5 blocks away.

Went to see dad. He was siting in the dining area on his floor. He's got a room-mate now! The Chinese gentleman Mr. H was just admitted today. He speaks a slightly different dialect and is difficult to understand. The two of them talked for a while but I don't think the conversation lasted.

Mr. H was very anxious about whether his daughter was coming, and kind of forced her contact onto me, asking me to give her a call. I didn't feel it was appropriate, so I told the accounting lady when we continued with our admission process. She said the daughter was contacted last night... (meaning, she would not call.) At the end I gave the contact to a staff on his floor. Not sure if she'd actually call or not.

Brother phoned. Thought he might came for a visit, but he never showed up where we were there. (Turns out he didn't go today.) Mom brought a apple thinking she'd feed it to dad, but there was no knife in the kitchen. So she brought it home and try again tomorrow with our own knife.

When it's time for us to leave, dad wanted to come with us "because there's nothing to eat". Sigh...

My grumpiness was really really bad. I was swearing at other cars when traffic condition was bad. Must be low blood sugar. Mom suggested eating out. She was probably too tied to cook. Again, parking near Honolulu Cafe was bad. It added to my volcano. And yes I was hungry. So hungry, I forgot to take a Pinky picture.

Got home after "dinner" and it was still before 6. Somehow I felt like it was the only chance to wash my car, and went for it. It must have taken over an hour... Of course, I'm regretting it right now. I'm aching all over. (T_T) Oh why why why do I do such stupid things to myself????

Meanwhile mom's been busy with phone calls again. Yesterday it was her who was making calls. Today, our phone wouldn't stop ringing. Aunt L wants to go visit dad again tomorrow, and so does aunt Y. Mom wants to be there at 9 or something. Probably to check dad's morning routine. Last night it seemed like dad neither removed his dentures, nor did he brush it. His hair looked washed but he was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Meaning, he had not been changed. And, he wet his pants. How did I know? There was a liquid stain on his bed where he sat. And there was a puddle of pee on the floor in the washroom between the sink and toilet, the exact same spot where he leaves puddles at home. Sigh... I fetched a staff member to clean that up. Mom discovered dad not wearing any diapers. According to the staff, he had one put on in the morning but eventually he threw it into the garbage bin in the washroom. Sigh...

Removed the screwed-up paint off the Pinky. Ran out of nail polish remover and couldn't find the spare bottle. Ended up having to sand the rest of the paint off. Very time-consuming.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Cadbury Triple Chocolate

From November 2010. McGavin was selling them at $1.25 a box, super good deal! But they expired in 3 day, haha... Still, good, though. The core is a piece of very light and fluffy chocolate cake, with a chocolate moose-like blob as topping, then the whole thing was dipped in chocolate. Triple indeed.

The size should be about just right, yet strangely I've felt the need to reach for a second piece and ended up feeling way too stuffed. The cake and the outer shell were fine, but the moose was too sweet. However, nothing left any unpleasant aftertaste. Yup, there is trans fat. Hydrogenate oils. The first item in each of their ingredients are, sugar, icing sugar, sugar. What?!?! Icing sugar?!?! No wonder... (T_T)

The whole thing is very soft, so it's not suitable to put in the glove box although the size is good.


Aunt L wanted to come with us, so there was no room for the seated walker. Mom decided to add a bunch of clothes in the morning, and used her grocery trolley. Looks bad and a hassle. Why didn't she bring the stuff out last night so that I could use the proper size suit case?

Got there on time at around 10:30. J wasn't there and someone else took us upstairs. Lots of questions asked, lots of forms filled. Mainly about dad's daily routine and preferences. Then we were treated to lunch. Normally, visitors need to buy meal tickets if we want to eat with the resident, but today was our first day, and lunch was on the house. At $6.5 each, the 3 of us cost them $19.5. In return, the clothes labels mom made yesterday were deemed inferior. They wanted us to go for the in-house labeling which costs $20. It cancels out, I guess. But mom's effort went down the drain.

Right in the middle of lunch time, I needed to move my car from the 2-hour limit street parking to the nursing home's parking (also 2-hour limit). There are only 8 spaces. I was lucky to get one. When I return, mom and aunt L had given dad a chicken leg each. (Each of us had 2.) So dad ate 4 chicken legs, plus the soup cracker I gave him, and half of mom's chocolate pudding. Way too much!

J came after lunch to give us a tour. Caught an old lady trying to sneak into the elevator when she's not allowed. (She's a wanderer.) Will dad try to sneak out? Hmm... At least he didn't seem uncomfortable, and didn't ask to go home.

Parking time was up again so I had to bring home a bunch of paper work to sign. However, the parking spot hunting must have been draining. I kept dosing off at the desk. (All the interviews were also brain-intense.) Mom was busy with phone calls informing friends and relatives. She wants to go see dad tomorrow morning. I tried to persuade her to go after lunch. This, is the same woman who told dad to die a few days ago. Why is she so attached now?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Chest x-ray

Took dad to our family doctor for a chest x-ray as requested by the nursing home. This was his good-bye appointment because the on-site doctor over there will take over. Ate lunch at Burger King and took a look at DeSerres right next door afterward. There were more clearance stuff but not my cup of tea. Then stopped by the discount bakery and some grocery near home.

Went home, prepared labels for dad's clothes. Meanwhile dad's been leaving pee puddles and shot snot and spit onto the floor as usual. Sigh... Mom seems a bit nervous. She still thinks she should go visit dad everyday. (She bought hamburger buns at the discount bakery so that "she could pack sandwich and eat with dad"... may I ask what's wrong with sliced bread???)

Continued with custom Pinkys. Just when I finished masking and got ready to spray paint, the nozzle nob broke off as I took the cap off! Not sure what to do, I tried to hold it matching the stump. The first test spray was fine. Then I proceeded to actually paint... and all screwed up!!!! The nozzle leaked all over! Aaaaarrrggghhh!!!!!! Sigh... gotta wash off the paint and re-spray primer. (T_T) The rest of the body parts standing-by on the Styrofoam also got contaminated and all needed a layer sanded off. Some of them need primer too... (T_T) What a waste of time... (T_T)

Thanks to that, didn't go for a walk after dinner despite the longest day of the year... Why has my left upper eye-lid been twitching? Too much solvent vapour???

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Nursing home

After 4 months, the call we've been waiting for finally arrived. However, it's super rushed! Our case manager asked me to call a lady at a certain nursing home to arrange for admission. Turns out she wants to meet us for a tour tomorrow, and admit my dad the day after.

For admission, dad needs a chest x-ray. The receptionist at our family doctor tipped us off on the closing time of the labs, so we had to do it in the morning instead, and cancel dad's day care and handidart in a hurry. And then we also need to label dad's clothes. Otherwise it costs $20 if the nursing home does it. Actually, that lady told me we don't have to label. But I found out the truth on their web site right after. Sigh...

Don't take me wrong, I'm very glad that dad can be placed, rather quickly after the police incident. Perhaps that helped. I'm not complaining. The only concern is, that nursing home gives me the impression of being private, hence expensive. To start, all left over medications cannot be used. Any medication has to go through their pharmacy. None allowed in the resident's rooms. Well... I kind of understand that, but can't we hand over what we have and let them use it???

Despite all the hustle, I'm very relieved. There's finally light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not the train's headlights.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Endless sanding

Continued on the custom Pinkys... An endless loop of spraying primer and sanding...

Dad was tearing up his diapers again... in the middle of the night... (T_T) Mom got really mad...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Lindt Excellence Sea Salt

From 10th November 2010. The day I saw it online, I said to myself, I must try this. To my surprise, it's not too hard to find. (LD has it.) So, here it is. I know what dark chocolate tastes like, and I know what sea salt tastes like. However, I could not imagine the result of mixing the two. The smell is completely normal. The first 3 seconds after putting a piece in my mouth was also no different than regular dark chocolate. However... once I hit the first grain of sea salt, the whole thing turn into a Frankenstein. It's no longer candy anymore, but can't quite make out the taste. Initially, the salt felt quite strong, but I got used to it very quickly. Maybe the first grain was bigger or something.

The strangest thing is, it wasn't that delicious, but I couldn't stop eating it. I even went for a second piece!

Embedding grains of salt adds layers of depth. The taste changes every few seconds, which makes the experience very interesting. You can never get tired if it.

I think the salt decreases the sense of "I'm eating candy", which is quite dangerous. Because it's very easy to overdose.

Relatives / father's day

Two cousins and their families (from San Fransisco) called this morning. They were in town and wanted to meet us for lunch. Turns out they've been here for 10 days already, and today was their last day! OK... On father's day, I didn't expect we would be able to eat out last minute. Surprisingly, one of them reserved a table successfully at a nearby restaurant! (Hmm... does this mean fewer people take their dads out for lunch?) So we had dim sum. They said the Chinese food is way better here. Ended up ordering too much and plenty to take home.

I told them about the International Ice-cream Factory that has 108 (actually 218) flavours. With 4 kids and youth in the group, it took no time for them to decide to go. One of my cousins stayed behind to teach mom chi-gung so I was invited to join. (The 7 of them rented a 7-seat van, so unless someone stays behind, no extra seat.) Unfortunately the youngest boy (10) was having a fit and refused to leave the van when we got there. It was my fault. Somehow somewhere the conversation turn to games, and I showed them the stuff from A. Since the cousins treated us for lunch, I felt it was appropriate to offer the whole batch for $50. (The DS itself with a super nice case could fetch $60. Two or three of the games could fetch $25 each. But this is a chance to pass them on, and I need the space.) The boys' eyes lit up and immediately the deal was seal. However, the 2 youngest boys (10 and 15) wanted the same game. And the youngest seemed to want it all for himself...

We spent about 45 minutes at the ice-cream shop because the kids couldn't make up their mind on what flavour to get. (The down side of having too many to choose from.) Came home, and the 10-year old boy left us and stayed in the van. Wow... I though only girls would throw this kind of fits. A few moments later. the 15-year old went after him. Those two stayed in the van and never came back inside.

Their flight was 8 PM so everyone left at around 5:45, and immediately we had to arrange for father's day dinner. Luckily brother had booked a table at M Garden. He's been a regular customer so it wasn't difficult at all (or he booked early, or mom talked to him when I was gone). Eating out twice on the same day, and both Chinese food, was very heavy on the stomach.

To finish off, the usual mini fruit tarts at home. Niece N immediately went for my Pinkys. I had (still have) work-in-progress stuff on the desk and had to keep an eye on her. Meanwhile, told brother and sis-in-law the recent "police incident". I had doubts about our case manager's abilities, but they though the incident might help as it should have left a record. We'll see.

Saturday, June 18, 2011


Finally started dumping a bunch of stuff to recycling. At this rate, will I be able to clean up the house before cousin K arrives? Also helped A dump some of his. Looks like we both have a bit more to go.

First time trying the Angus burger at McDonald's. It was good, but looking back, too big for me. My stomach felt heavy for the rest of the day.

Then it was a series of shopping. While A went to the electronics stores, I went to the bead stores. Surprisingly, this it the first time ever that I finished before he did. Then some pastry at a Italian bakery we've been wanting to go forever. And grocery at Price Smart. Got mini fruit tarts at Maxim's for tomorrow's father's day. Hung out at A's place till late. He finally continued on the home-made audio equipment project he started... geeze... I don't even remember when! Must be at least 2 - 3 years old. It's like my beading stuff. I keep buying materials, but loose steam. A project takes forever to complete. So I'm glad he's gonna finish this one.

Friday, June 17, 2011


Have been feeling really bad today. Thought it's because of the last day before a visit, but actually it's the weather. The clouds came in by 5. No wonder why I've been so achy...

Picked up A's strap from the repair shop, then stopped by DeSerres to check out their clearance stuff. The green labels are 50% off! (Those are already on clearance.) Originally I only picked out 3 strands of yellow label beads which are half price. Couldn't resist the green ones. Ended up spending $30. I know, I know, I've told myself not to buy until I use up some, but good deals are good deals.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Neurologist / neighbour

Went to see the neurologist my family doctor refereed me to. Again, I was late. Why why why... (T_T) Unfamiliarity to the location was to blame. The receptionist was busy on the phone so I was kept waiting. Then she had me fill up a form, which of course made me even later. After I handed it in, she kept doing something I couldn't make out. I didn't check the time, but it felt like a good 25 - 30 minutes late. (T_T)

While checking the address with Google Map, I saw there was one review. And it's a nasty review saying this doctor doesn't listen to patients. Turns out he looks a bit young, and maybe a touch arrogant. But he seems reasonable enough to me. Not only was he concerned about the harm radiation can do, he also checked my reflex and stuff. Although he said it may not help me much, he did refer me to the rehab center. However, he's the type who support anti-depressant. (T_T)

When I took my daily walk after dinner, I saw my neighbour across the street picking up garbage on other people's lawns. I chatted with him, and he said otherwise the neighbourhood would turn bad. (I agree. Clean streets = clean neighbourhood.) That's super admirable. I so want to buy him a reacher from XS Cargo since he was picking up garbage by hands (with gloves, though). After 20 years, I never know his name until today. He was asking about my dad too. Since my dad seldom leave the house anymore, he's seldom seen. I got to the point telling the gentleman about dad's gone missing once, and he immediately thought the police incident last week was about that. I didn't know how to react. As I was hesitating, the conversation changed. So... I didn't clarify his misunderstanding...

Last night's downtown riot was being reported all over the world. I bet no one will say a thing about the volunteers who cleaned up the mess this morning. Sigh... why? (T_T)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Veggie Life Veggie and Fruit

From 9th November 2010. Thanks A for this Japanese drink. I thought it would be similar to V8, but nooooo. V8 is like tomato soup, but this one has a lot more fruit in it, and tastes more like juice. However, it's not juice. It's drinkable, but I can't say it's delicious. It's stuck in between soup and juice, and ends up in neither land.

Razor, phone, tooth

Mom caught dad organizing things again. While she took the phone with her to the backyard, dad put his razor into the phone's charger.

Then mom found dad's missing pill box. He keeps hiding it. Turns out he had put an extracted tooth in it instead of pills! Gross!!!! Sigh... Well, I kind of understand. That was a tooth that the dentist made him remove in order to make the denturist's job easier. He could have refused. Why didn't he do so?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Glass jars

Mom made a cushion cover with shower curtain to protect the leather sofa from dad's pee. He hates it and went to seat on the love seat. Mom's effort completely wasted. I think it's more like he refuse to accept the fact that he's incontinent. Sigh...

I lost my lid again from hearing dad say "you're insane" (He's the one insane)
I return "yes I'm insane, because of you. You're the one insane."
Dad "not my problem."
I snapped
I was washing dishes at the time. I ran in front of him and shook water off my wet hands onto his face.
He dodged, calling me insane again.

As I was erupting, he kept "organizing" things on the living room dining table that I spent an hour to tidy up last night. I really snapped and threw the stuff he scattered out into the garbage can. Then I washed all the empty glass jars that he's been keeping around, something for his treats, and removed them from that table. No stuff, no mess. Period.


Eat-out day with brother's gang at our "regular" Taiwanese restaurant.

Monday, June 13, 2011


Went to get a neurologist referral from my family doctor as instructed by our case manager. Not sure how this will turn out, but I know I don't feel good seeing a psychiatrist first.

Stopped by DeSerres afterward to see if there are new clearance items. The reason why they have been getting rid of stuff is revealed. They'll be moving to a less accessible location this fall. I ran out of time and didn't take a good look. At least the paper embossing templates were half price, but the one I had my eyes on for months was sold out. Oh well. I'm glad to be able to shop at a discount, but at the same time sad because their new location is out of the way.

Have been trying to make room for those storage boxes... still not much luck. Am I getting like a pack rat like my dad? It was a shock to realize I also tend to put out an OK face to the world... And I must be subconsciously thinking having problems is shameful.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Pee monster

(Photo was taken in April and unrelated to subject.)

I was cooking oatmeal

Mom gave dad a home-made Popsicle (from the defrosted juice concentrate)

Dad finished and went to the kitchen sink

No, he didn't wash his Popsicle stick, but washed the sink strainer instead

There were 2 long fish bones and he just dumped them into the drain

Then he did the endless shooting snot into the sink and turn the tap on and off

Mom was saying he should go pee

He kept refusing

When he finally had enough and left the area, I return to the stove

And guess what? A puddle of pee on the floor, completed with dad's foot prints


... We have 4 mops and not enough.

2 hours later...
Dad sat on his commode for a while... to pee

puddle of pee in front of the commode


Saturday, June 11, 2011

Continental Belgian

From October 30th, 2010. "Continental Belgian Fine Dark Chocolate". Thanks A! You seem to like it more than I do, though. I think it's a bit too sweet. The sweetness overpowers the fragrance of dark chocolate. Don't take me wrong. It's still very good. Way better than most others.


Our stock of frozen plum was defrosted thanks to dad unplugging the freezer, so mom's been re-cooking them all day. Since she doesn't use preservatives in the jam she makes, these plum can't be used yet. She must re-freeze them when she's done.

Dad wet all 4 bed towels by 3PM. We ran out. Every time you ask him to go pee so he won't loose control, he would say "yes", but no action. Sigh... (T_T)

Friday, June 10, 2011


(Picture was taken on May 27 and unrelated to subject.)
Dad stopped for a while, but he started destroying clothes again.

Last night he unplugged our freezer downstairs. Mom went to fetch some frozen chicken breasts for lunch and noticed they were soft. That was when she noticed the freezer was unplugged. The cardboard cans of Minute Maid frozen juice were melted too. Mom then made them into Popsicles. Some bread were also defrosted. Sigh...

Of course every minute he's awake, dad hunts around for food. Every hour he wet his pants and the floor. And he denies it. He still denies it.

It's the little things that add up and drown you.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Richmond pick-up

Picked up A for a few errands in Richmond. I wanted to see if the Dollar Giant there still has those plastic boxes. A needed to pick up a computer he ordered, and return the shower curtain hooks to Ikea. After checking their store hours, the logic was (1) Dollar Giant, (2) computer case, (3) Costco, (4) Ikea.

I was prepared to be disappointed, but very glad that this branch still have some plastic boxes (together with some other craft stuff which are usually sold out elsewhere). After struggling for a while, I ended up buying 10. This way I don't have to worry. A came back from Memory Express next door empty handed. But he wasn't looking to buy anything anyway.

The computer case pickup was smooth too. So was the Ikea return. We ate dinner there. Then I dropped A off at his place and watched him assemble a computer with the new case. Thanks for helping me wash those pants. I'm afraid my dad might destroy those brand new pants which I haven't even worn once.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011


One of dad's recent tricks to drive us crazy: wasting toilet paper. He uses up a roll a day if we don't stop him. (T_T) Sometimes it fills up the toilet so badly, mom has to take some back out. If the toilet ever gets clog, this house is finished.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Pocky: Grainy mixed berries

From October 2010. One of my favorite! Thanks A! Usually berry favour leans towards cough syrup, but not this one. The perfectly balanced fruity tartness is deadly. Ya gotta give it to the Japanese. It's a bit expensive, though.


Our case manager came for a one-hour visit to update and better understand our situations. I asked if she told the dispatcher that I was threatening to hurt myself. She said she didn't, and it was a misunderstanding. (Then why did she call the cops?) She did another questionnaire. The result is, dad needs to go to a special care unit thanks to his behavior problems. This, is the same as last time. As he will only get worse, isn't this a waste of time? On the other hand, I do appreciate her giving me pointers for rehab. Thanks. She asked for my family doctor's number but couldn't get through. So she gave the form to me. When I last looked, my doctor charges $15 to fill forms. And that was quite a while ago. It could easily be more now. And, of all the things I dislike, is to go onto antidepressant, which my doctor seems to push. (T_T) Sigh...

At around 4:30, mom asked dad to hang some laundry dry, left him alone for a minute, and found him tearing up my Calvin Klein panties with a pair of pliers. It's fake Calvin Klein, but it's one of my better pairs. (T_T) I worry that he might start tearing up more of my clothes. There is no peace in my heart. And no body in this world can understand this stress. I'm suck literally with a monster, and afraid to buy nice clothes... or wash them.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Dragon Boat Fest

There's a Chinese saying that goes something like, don't put away your winter clothes until you've eaten the Dragon Boat Festival zongzi. Today was hot! 20 degrees? All of a sudden, summer is here.

Went to my badly needed chiropractor's appointment. I was so bad, most of my body was frozen and sore on the touch. The thoracic section felt like folded in half and I'm forced into a hunched position. My legs still feel wrong 2 weeks after the trip. Not to mention I haven't been able to think properly. It was bad enough that right after the treatment, I was stoned. Words stumble out of my mouth when I booked the next appointment. Had trouble forming thoughts. My mind went blank. It was actually very alarming that the difference was so big, my brain needed to readjust like this. Looking back... isn't "trouble with speech" a sign of stroke??? Did I have a mini stroke or something??? (T_T)

My appointment was at 3:30. I was 15 minutes late. (Sorry...) Didn't check how long I waited but there were 4 to 5 people in front of me. By the time I was done, it was 5! I quickly went to the luggage repair shop to drop off A's strap. Only to find out the new clasps were 2mm too short! The lady said it can still be done but the clasps will float a bit. After calling A up, I got the go-ahead. There was a dollar store 2 blocks away, so I went there hoping to find those plastic storage boxes from Dollar Giant. Nope... they don't have it. Across the street was Kitchen Corner. I checked them out too. Again, no luck. I thought it was the same Kitchen Corner moved here from 4th, but this turns out to be a separate branch.

Then I tried to go to DeSerres to see if they've put more stuff on clearance. Nope, they closed at 6. I didn't make it. Then I must rush home to pick up my folks for dinner at 6:45. It's a bit early for this week's eat-out day with brother's gang, but it's also Dragon Boat Festival. And, hockey game. Pedestrian-only areas were set up downtown and people either gone there, gone to pubs, or stay home to watch the game. The streets were so empty, it was surreal. However, parking wasn't easy because there was a pub playing the game near the restaurant we chose. (Too bad Canucks lost...)

We finished early, and got home just after 8. By 9:50, dad was raiding the fridge. He took the bag of bread from the freezer and ate it all (2 pieces left, though), frozen. Sigh...

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Tall ships

Met up with A late afternoon at Elysian. I was late... (T_T) Then we went to Richmond to join R & B to see the tall ships. Wearing the red Ingledews outlet shoes was a huge failure. I just couldn't walk. Luckily I had my Jersey Garden sandals in the trunk as a spare. However, that, was not made for long distant walking either. I was walking so slow, A showed impatience. Bet he didn't even realize I was in pain. But I didn't tell him either (until much later). I was waiting to see if he'd noticed. And of course he didn't. I was limping to catch up. Just like in NY... (T_T)

We were there just after 5 and the event was over. Still lots of people, though. Barely found a parking spot. Food vendors were packing up to leave. It must have been a fun event. The ships were in the far side of Steveston where I have never been to. They were quite small, and not that tall, kind of disappointing. Nevertheless, it was still a good outing. As the clouds came in, it got cold. R & B had to leave, so A and I ate at Pajo's fish and chips. They were quite busy. Not that cheap either. Oh well. I was cold and hungry and my feet hurt. Sorry A, for being grumpy. But I didn't have enough energy to investigate all the restaurants.

Couldn't help but wonder. Have I been making a huge mistake of trying to catch up with A? Just like back then when I tried to fill quota by going home at 2AM? So my records are normal and no one knows I was having trouble? Have I been putting my efforts into the wrong approach? Have I gone into the habit of hiding my problems just like my dad? But I just don't want to be a burden... Wait, am I afraid of other people finding out my difficulties???

Saturday, June 04, 2011


S's glasses are ready so A suggested a trip to Richmond. After meeting up, A urgently needed lunch because of his blood sugar level. S didn't want to eat at McDonald's so he held off.

Our first stop was actually Ikea since S needed to look at some furniture. A got carried away with his i-pad game and wasted about half an hour at Ikea's cafeteria. Oh well. All 3 of us ended up getting something. Thanks for the SD card! Steveston was fading. Dinner at Aoyama Cafe. I was hoping to pick up some plastic boxes at Dollar Giant but I guess they close at 6. We just missed it. Dropped off S at his place, set up the patio furniture, then the dandelion lamp. While the guys were doing that, I couldn't resist cleaning up S's books and stuff. S seriously need more storage. A lot more.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Cheese Crisps

From October 2010. "John WM Macy's Cheese Crisps" from Costco. Thanks A for this one again. These... are deadly! They are the most delicious and addictive cheese snack I've ever had. Slightly on the hard side but not a problem at all. The saltiness and cheese flavour are perfectly balanced. There's a touch of spice to give it a punch. Very, very good. But of course, very fattening.

Case manager

Finally, called up our case manager to find out what the situation is. Told her about Mrs. L who applied after us, being able to line up at 3 nursing homes, and ended up getting into our first choice which was not even on her list. As far as I know, she didn't "buy" the bed. So, the only possibility left, according to our case manager, was that she "used magic". Sigh... What's going on???

As I updated her with our grossly over the limit situation, I had to spill my dark secret of using pain to stop myself from damaging whatever or whoever around me when dad pushes all my wrong buttons. She then misunderstood that I was gonna kill myself or something, and called the police on me. The dispatcher on the phone thought I was upset because my dad is to be sent away (totally opposite) and threatening to hurt myself. Sigh... This is unbelievably humiliating. She told someone else that I "threaten to hurt myself" in order to get things my way? What is this crap??? Obviously she doesn't know that I have been using pain as a lid for years, and it's not an exchange with anybody to get anything.

It was also extremely embarrassing besides humiliating that I had to tell my whole story starting with my accident 15 years ago which caused me to loose control of my emotions, in front of 3 policemen who showed up. Although our case manager said she's on my side and trying to help me, somehow I don't feel I can trust her completely. Same for those policemen.

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Useless garbage

Newest victim of dad: laundry clips. First, he pulled a bunch off the rack. (Those indoors round hanging ones with dangling clips.) When mom had him tie them back on with wires, he broke the plastic clips themselves instead. Of course mom got mad. Me? Sigh... I feel nothing but helplessness and hopelessness. So soon, so soon, after the NY trip, my heart has return to the pre-trip depressed self-destruct black-hole mode.

Not to mention dad went pee after lunch, and messed up the flushing handle (he keeps holding it down, as a result, it got stuck in that position and the water wouldn't stop flowing). I told him to use a chopping motion so the handle would bounce back, but he wouldn't even listen and kept doing what he's been doing. Obviously he still thinks he's right even seeing it fail in front of his eyes.

Then right after, he went for the loaf of bread. But he just had lunch. His portion is 2.5 times mine. Of course I had to confiscate the bread. My computer room has become a storage of such food items. Bread, buns, fruits, cookies, candies... sigh... It's only a mater of time before he develops enough courage (or looses enough sense) to raid my room. I'm not worried about the food, but my craft supply storage. If he ever messes with that, it will be without a doubt the day I seriously physically hurt either him or myself. Or, I keep thinking, is this God's will that he eats until everything's depleted? Maybe I should just let him loose and he will self destruct in no time. Isn't this evil? How can I feel good about myself with these thoughts?

Yet another news from mom. I don't pay much attention to our backyard, so I didn't know. A little less than a week ago, probably still during my trip, dad went to plug off most of the flowers from our raspberry bushes. So, all thanks to him, this year we will have no figs, no raspberry.

When is he gonna stop? I hate to think this way, but it's either he dies, or goes to a nursing home, or I'll go to a psychiatric hospital for self-harm, or jail because I'd hurt someone. Again, how can I feel good about myself with these thoughts?

As I'm typing this, I heard dad opening the fridge quietly. Went to take a look, and caught him grabbing leftover food from lunch with his bare hands. Sigh.... I closed the fridge and reported it to mom. He grabbed some more food while I was talking to mom. He didn't even wash his hands before or after. I was so totally completely extremely disgusted. Is moving out my only way to keep my sanity? Mom came scold him, and discovered dad had left a puddle of pee on the floor in the kitchen. She was furious as she has been telling him to go pee for the past hour. Did dad listen? Of course not. I could no longer deal with this and went back to my room. I could hear dad yell "it hurts". Mom seems to be mopping the floor and poked dad with the mop or something.

OK I'm phoning our case manager right now. Why is it taking so long for the nursing home?

The only way I feel I'm still on the lucky side is when I read news like this: Nigerian 'baby farm' raided – 32 pregnant girls rescued

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

First day of June

There you go, half a year gone already. Scary. Too scary. Failed to set up a seller's account at Etsy "in the first half of the year". Sigh... I still don't know what to name my shop...

Brother came for a haircut after lunch while I was about to wash my hair. (Sorry.) It worked out fine at the end, though. Phew... Then I walked to the bank to take care of the C card bill. Legs were still sore. Took the chance to reset my internet banking password. I haven't used it for over 5 years and of course forgot it long ago. Thanks to that, I missed the epost sign up deadline. (T_T) The B card is also doing something weird. I'm already on epost with that, but they want everyone to agree to give up the rights to a printed bill. Is this legal???? I'm definitely not comfortable to click "agree". Am I a chicken?

Need 2 more of those plastic storage boxes form the neighbour dollar store... but they sold out! OMG I can't believe it! Don't tell me they are phasing it out!!!!! I'll have to drive to another branch and stock up! (T_T)

Mom made yet another startling discovery about dad. He has been smearing snot onto the roll of toilet paper while sitting on the toilet, which makes the layers of paper stick to each other and can't be unrolled. That's super gross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have to use that same roll of toilet paper TOO!!!!!! She also caught him taking whole rolls of toilet paper and wipe his nose directly with it as a block instead of unrolling pieces of paper.

Why is God having so much fun torturing us?