Useless garbage

Newest victim of dad: laundry clips. First, he pulled a bunch off the rack. (Those indoors round hanging ones with dangling clips.) When mom had him tie them back on with wires, he broke the plastic clips themselves instead. Of course mom got mad. Me? Sigh... I feel nothing but helplessness and hopelessness. So soon, so soon, after the NY trip, my heart has return to the pre-trip depressed self-destruct black-hole mode.

Not to mention dad went pee after lunch, and messed up the flushing handle (he keeps holding it down, as a result, it got stuck in that position and the water wouldn't stop flowing). I told him to use a chopping motion so the handle would bounce back, but he wouldn't even listen and kept doing what he's been doing. Obviously he still thinks he's right even seeing it fail in front of his eyes.

Then right after, he went for the loaf of bread. But he just had lunch. His portion is 2.5 times mine. Of course I had to confiscate the bread. My computer room has become a storage of such food items. Bread, buns, fruits, cookies, candies... sigh... It's only a mater of time before he develops enough courage (or looses enough sense) to raid my room. I'm not worried about the food, but my craft supply storage. If he ever messes with that, it will be without a doubt the day I seriously physically hurt either him or myself. Or, I keep thinking, is this God's will that he eats until everything's depleted? Maybe I should just let him loose and he will self destruct in no time. Isn't this evil? How can I feel good about myself with these thoughts?

Yet another news from mom. I don't pay much attention to our backyard, so I didn't know. A little less than a week ago, probably still during my trip, dad went to plug off most of the flowers from our raspberry bushes. So, all thanks to him, this year we will have no figs, no raspberry.

When is he gonna stop? I hate to think this way, but it's either he dies, or goes to a nursing home, or I'll go to a psychiatric hospital for self-harm, or jail because I'd hurt someone. Again, how can I feel good about myself with these thoughts?

As I'm typing this, I heard dad opening the fridge quietly. Went to take a look, and caught him grabbing leftover food from lunch with his bare hands. Sigh.... I closed the fridge and reported it to mom. He grabbed some more food while I was talking to mom. He didn't even wash his hands before or after. I was so totally completely extremely disgusted. Is moving out my only way to keep my sanity? Mom came scold him, and discovered dad had left a puddle of pee on the floor in the kitchen. She was furious as she has been telling him to go pee for the past hour. Did dad listen? Of course not. I could no longer deal with this and went back to my room. I could hear dad yell "it hurts". Mom seems to be mopping the floor and poked dad with the mop or something.

OK I'm phoning our case manager right now. Why is it taking so long for the nursing home?

The only way I feel I'm still on the lucky side is when I read news like this: Nigerian 'baby farm' raided – 32 pregnant girls rescued